(Name) had never seen a (noun) before (s/he) came to Yale. (S/he) had, however, received a (noun) as a graduation present (her/his hands are too small for a (noun)), so when his/her roommate dragged her to YPMB auditions, s/he signed right up. Since then, (name) has accomplished a number of things, including actually learning how to play the (same noun), (YPMB-related -ing verb), and serving as the YPMB’s (more resume-worthy position) and (less resume-worthy position).

When s/he’s not engaging in his/her weekly upper body workout ((-ing verb) the YPMB), s/he can probably be found obsessing over (weirdly specific academic topic), (interest), or (overwrought and misleading description of athletic activity). A proud (denonym), (Name) spent a substantial chunk of his/her high school years (-ing verb), a time s/he mostly spent trying (and, sadly, failing) to (verb). S/he is a huge fan of (clothing), (food), (pretentious interest) (can you tell yet?), and the internet.   

(Name) really likes to (verb), so you should definitely come say hi! If you’re not sure which one s/he is, just look for the (distinctive physical characteristic) (sidenote: (Name) is always open to suggestions for his/her next (quality of physical characteristic). You could also email him/her! Direct official business to (douchey email address) and anything else to (plebeian email address).

Born in the (adjective) (noun) of (place), (name) is no stranger to the harsh conditions football season often brings. His/her large and highly recognizable (noun) protects him/her from the harsh wind and cold of hahvahd. People also seem to like (-ing verb) his/her (same noun). You can feel free to (same verb) it too!

As a (description of relationship to sports/music), it was inevitable that (name) would join the YPMB if only to cheer on all of Yale’s athletic teams. Along the way, (name) has made countless friends and memories and has previously served as (unimportant position), (slightly more legit position), and (most legit position).

When he/she isn’t (current position + ing) the YPMB, (name) can usually be found (-ing verb) (media title noun) and (media title noun), working in (location), or walking (location). As a (major) major, (name) is extremely interested in exploring recent advances in (noun relating to major) and plans on having a career in (other noun relating to major [or not]) one day.

Though he/she sometimes misses playing his/her (instrument) epically (adjective), (name) loves his/her job (weirdly convoluted description of job ending in -ing) the YPMB with (noun related to position) in hand. Don’t hesitate to contact (name) at (email address) with any questions you might have!